I still love you but…
I know I bit your head off for leaving your socks on the floor…again!
I looked at you sideways when you asked, “what’s for dinner honey?
No, please don’t touch me…I rather go to sleep. AND my body feels like a furnace at 100 degrees.
I cried again when they showed those sad puppies on that commercial.
I know you said that I’m beautiful but shut up, you’re only saying that because you’re supposed to, you’re my husband!
I don’t feel sexy, matter of fact, I don’t feel anything!
Yes, my patience no longer exists…for you, the kids or anyone else.
I am NOT in control, Nature is! I feel out of control even though I tried really hard to stay IN control. Swirling emotions and thoughts of powerlessness and weakness…. this is so unlike me. You do not recognize me? Guess what, I don’t recognize me either!!
Some call it the Menopausal Takeover because some feel like they are having an out of body experience.
Hot flashes throughout the day, possibly every hour. The sheets are going on & off the bed due to the night sweats. Probably part of the reason I’m not sleeping.
The angry outbursts are not about you but you’re the one around me, so you must deal with my wrath. You may notice me crying for no reason, just let me cry it out. Anxiety and/or Depression is real, it may be new or something old that has returned.
Weight gain especially around my midsection, even though I have not changed my diet or the amount of exercise, or lack thereof.
My skin is dry and irritated in addition to it looking like I have a pizza face from acne breakouts. Or even better, extra hair on my chin. Yeah, I feel real sexy…. NOT!!
Vaginal dryness and/or pain with sex or no desire to have sex is beyond my control. In fact, ALL of this is beyond my control. Believe me, I do feel bad for not wanting you right now, but I promise that won’t last forever if I can help it.
Are you wondering why this is happening? To put it simple, my Estrogen levels are tanking, and all the symptoms are a result of the changes in those levels compared to other hormones that I have.
Perimenopause/Menopause can move in fast and furious with little warning, especially if I wasn’t expecting it. And I wasn’t expecting this at 46! It might have been a little easier if I expected this. But this is what I’m facing. This is what We are facing.
Here’s some things I learned:
This is NORMAL and I am NOT ALONE. Let me say it in a different way…this is a NATURAL process that every woman will experience however each woman will have their own journey that may be different than mine. And this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. So, PLEASE forgive me while I work through this. You may be wondering how long will these ups & downs or roller coaster ride last? I don’t know because it is different for every woman. So just hop on this roller coaster with me and hold my hand. I wish I could say, “and enjoy the ride” but that would be misleading. I would rather be transparent with you and tell you “this ride is gonna suck sometimes.”
But I would appreciate your support, your willingness to understand and help in any way you can. I would appreciate your patience with me, remember when you said, “for better or worse.” Well here’s your chance to prove you are in this for the long haul.
Although you may never understand, quite honestly some of this I don’t even understand but I appreciate you trying. Give me time to myself, yes, I need ME time. That means time alone. Nothing against you but just need time to love on me again. Believe me, it really isn’t you, it’s me. I still love you but right now I must work on loving me again. The evolving me. It is a process and I must respect it. I must embrace it. So, take the kids out so I can relax in a nice CBD-infused bath. Yes, I said CBD, this is serious! Arrange a date night sometimes, yes YOU schedule it, not me. During these quarantine times, these requests may be tricky but you’re a smart guy, you can figure something out. Oh, and keep telling me I am beautiful even though I don’t always believe it but it’s nice to hear it from YOU.
Till death do us part….so don’t you dare call me crazy because I will kill you (well not really)! And don’t rush me, it takes time to readjust to my new normal-Menopause. Do not worry, I’m coming back. Be ready for your upgrade!! An enlightened, sensual, and resilient woman that will be ready to enjoy this next chapter of herself with the love of her life.
If you can relate to any of this, you are in the right place! This is a compilation of women’s feelings, thoughts, and symptoms as they approach menopause, some of which I’ve experienced firsthand. We can walk this journey together. Be sure to subscribe to get my monthly newsletter for more valuable information that will empower you on your journey to menopause and join my Facebook group to continue juicy conversations with me, Dr. Joy'El!!